Booty Call: Shopping in Portland is Getting Weird-Assy.

Thursday, 25 March 2010 14:52 | Written by Byron

SHOP TALK: It's an interesting time to mix the words "shopping" and "Portland" together.

Saks Fifth Avenue is pulling out of town (I'd heard about this a year ago, but couldn't believe it would really happen). And, no matter what you've heard about them plopping down a Saks Fifth Avenue "Off 5th" outlet out in Bridgeport Village, the inside word is that's just a "possibility" (read: probably won't happen).

Also leaving Pioneer Place: New Balance and Godiva.

But I am excited about the arrival of H & M.

And it would be really great if Bloomingdales or Neiman Marcus would take over the gaping hole that Saks is leaving in the midst of our downtown core (hell, I'd even take a Lord & Taylor or Old Navy just to make sure that space doesn't stay empty). But, who knows how this whole downtown shopping thing will work out.

For now I'll take comfort in a few shops around town that I do live for.

And, no its not just Grocery Outlet, although the "Grout-let" just off Sandy Boulevard is heaven-on-a-stick, and the only place in town that caters to homo-hipsters tastes at dirt-ass-pauper prices. And, let me assure you, not all Grout-lets are alike. In fact, a few are downright scary.

Speaking of scary, I love taking the drive to Highway 99's H Mart. This Asian supermarket (inside a former Haggens) is sort of like a super-sized version of Koifusion, the Korean taco truck that travels around town.

H Mart is Asia meets America meets WTF? I've seen some weird ass shit in here including "Penguin" (it was a brand, not a product) as well as all sorts of living and almost-alive animals and veggies.

And, really, what other grocery store in town offers you the chance to pick up a "blooming bidet" with so much butt-cleansing "options" (see photo above).

Speaking of butts, have you seen the butt-crack revealing mannequins at Gap:

or the naked ass mannequins at Forever 21 (what is it about butts this spring?):

Any-hoo, tomorrow, Friday, March 26th, another one of my fave stores, Fat Fancy, will host artist and professor, Frau Fiber, who is doing a performance in front of the store. Frau Fiber will construct a "Columbia" style jacket, in her size, made out of plastic bags, on a bicycle powered sewing machine! The project is part of the Gestures of Resistance exhibition at Portland's Museum of Contemporary Craft.Frau Fiber will need volunteers to pedal the sewing machine. Come on down to help power the machine, or just to check it out and shop. The event goes down from 11:30 am-5:30 pm, Friday, March 26th, Fat Fancy, 1013 SW Morrison Street.

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