SANTA BABY! I LOVE SantaCon.

Well, actually the more "official" title is NoPDX Anticon.

Whatever merry moniker it goes by, it is ALWAYS a blast and every early December fills the streets of North Portland with, literally, hundreds of alcohol-fueled street Santas. This year was no different. The streets "ho-ho-ho's" were everywhere and along for the ride this year was an actual over-sized hearth with an actual fire-burning in it. I guess there was also a giant Santa-sized Lay-Z-Boy somewhere too, but I never saw it.

What I did see was a slew of sleigh-sters tugging on their short hairs and showing me their "chestnuts." It was wild. But there are some rules. I swiped the following from an Anticon blog which swiped it from the UK Santacon.  And, yeah, it was pretty much what I saw upon a mid-noon clear.

The “route and schedule” is open to liberal interpretation by Santa at all times. There is no head Santa in charge to call. If you can’t show up for the start or get lost, get the mobile number of someone who can help you catch up later.

Santa dresses for all occasions. It’s December. Smart Santas wear layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing Christmas carols in the snow, or dancing manically in the shopping center.

Santa doesn’t whine! We will be outside much of the early day and covering a lot of ground on foot – bring a bottle of water and enough “snacks” to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.

Bring small gifts – NAUGHTY gifts to give grown ups; NICE stuff to give kids. Visit a pound shop, wrap up coal, sweets and brussels sprouts; Santa loves stickers, hug vouchers and mistletoe.

-Watching Santa get drunk can be fun. Babysitting Santa while they vomit in an alley or breaking up fights is not. Don’t be that Santa. You are responsible for yourself! Pace your drinking and be nice to your fellow Santa.

Twisting the Christmas paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting arrested is not. Have your own special surreal fun, but DON’T F*CK IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. Santas do not destroy property, steal merchandise, or do harm to others. The authorities and local businesses usually take Santa’s antics in the loving, festive spirit that Santa intends, if we are nice to them.

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